girls just wanna have fun

Have I mentioned yet that I'm not a terrific judge of character? Well, I'm not sure it's my judging skills so much as my tolerance. I tolerate people beyond the point at which I should probably stop giving them the benefit of the doubt and start cutting the friendship cord. I do this all the time. Like for instance, just in the past couple of years I met and befriended TWO (2) girls here at my school who, after a few months of awkward, strained friendship, turned out to be raving conservatives. Maybe I'm just too nice; I give chance after chance after chance to people who hardly even deserve one. Maybe this break-up will give me the perspective I need to stop clinging to these people before we're talking politics over lunch and I'm assaulted with a comment like, "those pro-choice girls are SO ridiculous," or "everything Obama said in that debate was a total LIE! It was hilarious!" That's just embarrassing, really.
Anyway. I met Paige when I was visiting Shitty Little Midwestern College, and something about her made me decide that that was the college for me. Perhaps it was her striking resemblance to Vanessa Hudgens (had I seen High School Musical yet? Am I a total bisexual for even thinking these things?), or perhaps I was just terrified about the future and this made me an excellent candidate for a baseless, vapid friendship. We decided to be future roommates after knowing each other for about a day.
That day in August when I moved in was the beginning of the kind of roommate relationship all the college advice books tell you to avoid. We did EVERYTHING together. Meals, parties, sports games- we even made all the same friends. (Dear college freshmen, this is a recipe for disaster. Love, RNT). Hanging out with her and the girls we fell in with made me feel the way kids who get held back in middle school must feel. I already knew everything they told me, I'd already thought of everything they'd thought of, I'd already heard (or made) every joke they thought was hilarious. I know it sounds cocky, but I felt like I was lightyears ahead of these girls- and isn't college supposed to be this Great Equalizer? Doesn't every college brochure say something about "like-minded individuals"?
Brian and I were 900 miles apart after 8 months of being absoutely inseperable, and I was indeed very lonely without him. We talked on the phone all the time. The thing to do at Shitty Little Midwestern College was to go to frat parties most nights of the week, and so in my quest to have fun in college like you're supposed to, I applied way too much makeup and way too little clothing and went to these parties with my supposed friends. Of course, Brian didn't like the thought of his girlfriend going to frat parties with girls he'd never met, dancing with boys he'd never met (not that me dancing with boys he HAD met would ever fly with Brian, either), and staying out late with anyone besides him. He was, of course, wrong about the drinking. I did drink in college, albeit VERY little because a boyfriend's guilt is a powerful thing.
What disturbed me, however, were the late-night phone calls. My phone would ring numerous times while I was in the basement of the TKE house, trying to dance on the sticky floors and trying not to spill any Keystone on my tube top. I would go outside and stand underneath a tree near their porch to call Brian back. My naive little self always expected these phone calls to go something like this:
Brian: How's the party? Are you having fun?
RNT: Yeah! How are you?
Brian: Fine, about to [go to bed/go to a party/play poker with friends]. Just wanted to say hi.
However, I learned quickly after leaving for college that a long-distance relationship with Brian was not at all what I'd expected. The phone calls went more like this:
Brian: How's the party? Are you having fun?
RNT: Yeah! How are you?
Brian: What's so fun about it? Are you drinking?
RNT: A little. How are you?
Brian: Why are you drinking? Are you going to leave soon?
RNT: I don't know. I might stay another hour or so. What are you up to?
Brian: Can you leave in half an hour? I'm going to bed.
RNT: So what?
Brian: I want to talk to you before I go to bed.
RNT: You're talking to me right now. Goodnight! I love you!
Brian: No, I want to talk to you alone. Can you leave soon?

I'd always go back to my dorm before Paige and the girls. I felt bad saying no to Brian when we were so far apart. I told myself that the parties weren't really that fun. After a while, I stopped going to the parties altogether. I think it made Brian happy when I stayed in for the night. It meant I was available for hours worth of phone talking, and it also meant I wasn't wearing anything more attractive than sweats or doing anything more exciting than painting watercolors on my bedroom floor.

This is becoming increasingly difficult to write about. In retrospect, I feel ashamed of myself for attending to his unfair requests, but at the time I thought I was doing the honorable, romantic thing. I thought it wouldn't ultimately matter whether or not I went to those frat parties and danced on coffee tables, but the fact is, it does matter. If not freshman year of college, when?

Thank God for the Lithuanian dance hall. I'm going to go get all dressed up and go out dancing. Even though there won't be frat boys or cheap beer, at least there'll be dancing, and girls that I actually enjoy spending time with.