I met Brian when I was way too young to care much about my partner's intellect, life goals, morals, religious or political viewpoints, etc. The bottom line is, I thought he was cute, he thought I was cute, and we made each other laugh. By 17-year-old standards, why the hell not? It didn't hurt that his mom's kitchen (oh yeah, did I mention he was living in his mom's basement until January of this year?) was well-stocked with delicious and unhealthy food, and that he had two huge-screen TVs and plenty of (questionable) discretionary income. He took me out to nice restaurants and bought me multiple gifts on holidays. He cared way more than any guy I knew then about how he looked and smelled and he treated me with a confidence I wasn't used to, having dated guys close to my age who were easily intimidated and often inexperienced. I'm not and never have been the type to make the first move in any situation, but he handled my shy, closed-up demeanor with impressive dexterity and within a couple of months I had given over most of my time, energy and emotions to him.
I'll be fair. I'm bitter and frustrated now, and I'm painting him as manipulative and even maybe a bit pedophilic. Brian didn't take advantage of me; that's not what I mean to say at all. We had a legitimately great time together back then. He made me feel awesome and I made him equally happy. Our relationship wasn't unhealthy; we gave and took equally and only fought over ridiculously tiny things, if at all. There was no jealousy, no lying, no attempt by either party to control what the other did in his or her spare time. Things were great.
I remember sitting in the computer room at my house once in the middle of the day, before I had my own laptop. I don't know what I was doing on the computer but some cheesy country song was playing and it was about love, and I realized right at that moment that I was in love. I felt like I had gotten some kind of gift that I had been waiting and hoping for for years. I was giddy and warm and when my mom came in, she thought at first something bad had happened
because I had tears running down my face.
There is nothing as awesome as falling in love. As full of regret and resentment as I am right now, I can still say that I truly believe there is absolutely nothing more gratifying and overwhelming. Everyone should get to fall in love at least once. It is just simply totally awesome.
She's got a fine sense of humor when I'm feeling low down
And when I come to her when the sun goes down
Take away my trouble, take away my grief
Take away my heartache, in the night like a thief
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